Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Elm Street Remake - Can it hold up?

Hello, Rat Face. Long time no see; old friend.

No, this news is not even remotely new to anyone but me. But you heard right. Paying respect to one of the most widely influential and successful slasher movies of all time; the master of horror himself; Wes Craven is co-writting a remake of his original masterpiece! Great, right...?

WRONG. I have some very heavy doubts on this one. Brrrr.

'But Amber!' you all scream; 'How could you possibly doubt Wes Craven?! He's your idol! Anything he touches turns to gold!' Although this is true enough; not only am I excited to the point where I may pee uncontrollably; I am also scared to death this may be one of the most horrible remakes of all time; right up there with Charlie And The Chocolate Factory; and I will have to kill myself.

First clue: They're ditching Englund; and I seriously doubt that anyone other than him can play Freddy successfully. We've had him for all seven Elm Street movies, the very fun Freddy vs. Jason, the TV series, and even the Simpsons episode. No one in my heart can ever replace Englund. I still remember when my mother first let me watch A Nightmare On Elm Street at the age of four; I ran to my room crying when Freddy's arms extended; and once more when there was a large close up of Englund's nose. That nose in itself is horror in it's truest glory.

But dammit, in terms of originality, diverse richness and unifying vision, Wes better deliver with an amazing actor. I'm expecting the most out of you; Craven; don't let me down.

And, the second recipe for disaster: It will be directed by Wesley Strick. And his hair is stupid.

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